Ok so if you don’t know, you will now. Because people are nosey and will read this and it will spread like wildfire.

David and I are getting married.

Nothing big or real fancy, family and friends.

October 4, 2008. Outdoors, romantic, quiet.

So yeah i got a real nice ring, and he did the whole on one knee thing.

So I am sure I will write more about this later since this summer is going to be very busy.

Ok thats it.

P.S. I don’t really care if people are for or against this. This is what David and I want, and are going to do. So if you have any nasty comments, make them really good, so I can be sure to delete you. Thanks!!!

My life is finally where I want it to be. I have tried it all (it seems) at this point in my life, and am finally ready to have it all! Whatever "all" is I guess. I want it, so that means I can have it, if I work for it.

Everyone has a different opinion on what I "need " in my life. But, I am the only one who can control what I need. I have depended on many people for support and answers to many questions in my life. I have shared the good, the bad, and the ugly with people who are closest to me. I have done some very awful things to people I loved, and I have hurt people I have never meant to hurt. I cared only about myself, and left alot of damage and distruction in my path to self discovery. I still deal with some demons from my past, but the only way to overcome them is to change from what led me to those events in my life. I wanted love so bad that I searched for it in all the wrong places many times. I have carried my children through many of these events in my life, and that breaks my heart to know that I have done these things to them. I never have wanted to hurt them or scar them, but children are fragile and they see and know more then you ever think they do.

I am going to be 30 in may, so I guess subconciously I figure what a better time to start my "real" life. I am making changes and felling better every day for my choices. David and I are together, just to clear that up for everyone. I love him with all my heart and soul. I have never loved a man more than I love this man. He has scared me, hurt me, broke my heart and I love him still. Love is about forgivness and fighting. David has been a man I knew he could be, but never was before. He finally realized I wasn't gonna do it anymore. So he knew it was let down the walls that he had up, or I was gone. So he did. Things have been wonderful. He is sweet, caring, loving, sexual, everything I wanted and more. This is what I WANT. This is what he wants. I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me. I will spend the rest of my life with him, and that is what we have both decided. I dont' care what my friends, family, coworkers, anyone thinks. I am going to take my chances on love this time, I am not running away, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. Love brought us here after 5 years for some reason, what are the chances of this? Slim to none, I am sure. But here we are. I have no problem proving anyone wrong. I know my true friends will stand by my side no matter what my decisions are, and I thank them for that. The kids are happier now, and David has apologized to them, and we are a happy family now. My life is where I want it to be now, I am in love and happy.



I have had some problem areas in my life lately too, not involving kids and David. They are work related issues. I have tried to just get them situated and out of my life, because I don't need the stress in my life. I have tried to make things right with certain people and have control of the situation, we will see. I have upset some people along the way, and I am truly sorry for that, it was not my intentions. I just get sick of being lied too. The bottom line of the situation is, I go to work to do a job, get paid, pay bills, and live my life. But other things always poke their heads in. I really don't care about any of it, I just want it to go away. I know who I can "really" trust in my life.

So I tried to update the other day and my stupid computer went on the fritz. So now I will.

Hummmmm, where to begin????? Ok.

Kids. I love my kids to death, they are my world and they drive me crazy (in a good way) all at the same time. Trent and Connor are older and very independent when it comes to their needs from me. It doesn’t mean that they don’t still like Mommy time, but just not as much as before. I have been replaced by computer games, and Pokemon movies. Connor still enjoys some of the kiddie stuff, like Dora and things of that nature. But sometimes I sit back and can not believe I have children this old. I remember being in 3rd grade. Trent will be 8 next month, I can’t believe how fast time flies.

Dawson is growing so fast. He runs everywhere, says everything, and his answer is always “NO”. I am not surprised. David and he are so funny. Dawson has a fit every time David walks out the door, to smoke or whatever. Dawson has to run to the window and make sure he isn’t going anywhere. And the whole time he is out there he yells “Da, Da” and pounds on the window. Of course, David plays around with him, and this makes me happy.

Last weekend was David and I 1year anniversary. We had Mira and Christian, but it was ok. We went to Pizza Hut and then home to watch some movies and hang out. David hurt his back a couple days prior so we weren’t up to doing much else. That Sunday we went to Mom and Dad Ragan’s house to hang out and so they could see the kids. We spent most of the afternoon lounging around. Christian and Dawson took naps, and Mira played. The rest of us watched some TV. Colleen and I both had the day off so we were thrilled not to be at work.

On the way to take the kids home that day, Christian kept calling me mommy. I finally answered him. He told me I could be his mommy now too. I was touched but explained that he has a mommy that loves him very much, but I could be his step mom. He seemed ok with that, but he also tells me I am his girlfriend! He is so cute. Mira told me a long time ago that I couldn’t be her step mom, because she already had 2 mommies, Sarah and Oriana. I told her ok if that’s how you feel. She quickly changed her mind after the conversation between Christian and me. She said it was good that I was her step mom too.

So I have been working like a dog still. 10 hour days here and there. It will never end, I am so convinced. But I like my job. I still have that offer on the table for January; I have to make decisions when that time comes.

Last weekend David and I decided to be a little daring, and he tried one of those little “blue diamonds”. Ok it was not all that. We have had better sex without it. Yes it made it last forever, but we are to old for that shit. After an hour, we were both so tired we said fuck it, and went to bed. Maybe we will try it again someday, when he might actually need it. But right now he definitely doesn’t.

I want a boob job. Damn that is funny. I mean I have nice size boobers, but I nursed 3 kids. Imagine. I mean they are not god awful by any means, I just want tits like all those movie stars. You know, no need to where a bra with my Double D’s they stand up on there own! Ok so not that fake. Just so they are perkier. David say’s he doesn’t care, they are boobers, and he has no complaints. And he is a boob guy.

SO I watched Nip/Tuck last night, I miss it on Tuesdays cause I bowl so I watch the repeat on either Friday or Sunday night. I love that show. It is so raunchy. I would love me some Christian Troy. Mama like! I have seen every season, with a few missed episodes here and there during the first season, but I have seen every episode since then. Last season was good, with the Carver and shit, but this season has been much more promising. I have certain shows I love to watch, Desperate Housewives (David watches too) Grey’s Anatomy, Lost, CSI, I do miss some shows , I use to watch Smallville, but I haven’t had a chance this year. Oh yeah, David and I also watch What about Brian?, we loved it last year, and now this year its back. It is really good.

SO I am tired and rambling on…. I am going to go back to bed now I took the kids to school, and I don’t have to be to work till 3 today. David will probably blow up my phone pretty soon, so I better try to get a few winks in before that. He gets grouchy when I sleep to hard and don’t hear any of the phones. Oh well.

So everything here is great. I have been working mornings now and I love it. I have a split shift this week because my manager is going to Vegas next week and we have a ton of shit to get done around there. I love my job, it has its moments, but all in all I love it. I am not trying to find another job in my job field at this time. Just going with the flow.

Kids are doing well. Trent and Connor are doing pretty good in school, and Dawson is growing like a weed. Its funny David has been around Dawson for quite awhile now and Dawson and David refer to him as "DaDa" now. It is fun to watch them interact together. David plays with him and they chase each other around. I thought it was funny David and I weren't even together when I named Dawson, but Dawson's name means "Son of David" maybe it was fate. Mira and Christian are well, I miss them, but I will see them this weekend. C.J. has been getting in trouble in school and we have got to crack down on him, it is getting out of control. We were looking at Christmas stuff the other day and I was finding things I wanted to get all the kids for Christmas. Mira I am sure will be spoiled, the only daughter, oh yeah, she will be spoiled.

David and I are great. I bowl on Tuesday nights and with that I usually drink. This makes me bolder (drunken courage!), so if me and David get into heated discussions, I don't hold back. Last week, we had got into a talk about love and life, and marriage. He said alot of the things I wanted to hear. It was a great, eye-opening talk. I know he loves me more than anyone he has ever loved before, and that makes me feel good. I feel the same way. I know not many people have seen David drink, unless you knew him before 12 years ago. But, he gets in these moods, and we will drink together. But there are rules, just him and i, at home, not going anywhere. So a couple weeks ago, we got drunk, and I don't mean a little, I mean fucked up. He is soooo funny. He gets really playful and lovey, dovey. He also turns into this animal, love machine. It is amazing! I love him sooooo much. I never knew I could be this happy. I know I drive him crazy sometimes, I am kind of a control freak and I have a slight case of OCD, and I am a clean freak, when it comes to my house, so anyone who knows me, knows I kinda jump all over people who mess things up. He has learned and gotten much better. I just have to give him the "look" and he knows.

Our anniversary is Saturday, 1 year. Cool, we made it a year. lol. Hey, baby steps. We will probably just watch a movie and I am sure I will spend the night, but we have the kids. That's ok, I miss them. We will all play around like we always do. David will chase us around with spiders, and try to make the kids eat them, which makes the kids hide and jump on me, then I have to "fight" David and protect them, it is fun, yelling and screaming, and alot of laughter. We will have pizza I am sure. Last time Mira and I made smoothies after dinner ( David bought me a smoothie maker), they were good, and it was fun.

Well gonna lay back down, then get up clean, take a shower, go to David's for some afternoon action, haha. Then off to work.

So the past week has been so very busy. My brother got married on Sunday. It was a beautiful wedding. It was on the water outside as the sun was setting, ahhwww, just beautiful. I was in the wedding, and I will have to say I did tear up and shed some tears watching my little brother become a husband. It was nice and they wrote their own vows which I thought was very sweet. All of our family and friends were there and it was nice to all be together to celebrate. Deni and Mark flew in from Colorado on Saturday and it was their one year anniversary. So Josh and Jessica played their song and they danced too. Of course David was there with me. He looked so good. He met everyone in my family and all the family friends. He already knows most of my friends so he was seated with all of them since I had to be at the head table. Of course I drank and danced with all my girlfriends well all the guys just watched. The kicker of the night was I caught the bouquet! Ha ha! My mom was not real thrilled my dad said we (David and I) need to send picture's from, VEGAS! David just laughed. We have discussed it, and we know where we stand. We are in love and happy and that is all that matters.

SO I am doing my internship at Dr. Haddad's office in Grand Blanc. I like it. It is a pediatric office. I didn't know if I was gonna like working with children all the time, but it is not so bad. The girls I work with are really nice. I dont' have alot of interaction with the doctor, which on some levels is nice too. I only have 4 more weeks of my internship and no more schooling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait.

SO my other job is good. Colleen, David's sister, works with me. I got her a job there about a month or so ago. She is doing good. I trained her about 2 weeks ago, but I haven't been seeing her much since. SHe has been working mornings and I work nights. But she is doing well. SOmetimes we get at each other because work is where I go to vent about my life and David, or to tell all my details of my life. She doesn't always like hearing all the details, so I have been trying to not spill to much to her.

David and I have been talking about moving in together. We are looking, but we are not sure where we wanna go. School distract is not an issue since the kids go to an Academy. But I do not want to stay in Flint.
So we will see what we can find.

We have the kids this weekend, which Trent and Connor are excited to see them. They like spending time with them, and it's nice for David and I so we can spend time together well they play. We are probably getting all together Sat. night after I get out of work. I am suppose to go to a bonfire at Michelle and Brians, I want to go, but, I know my mom and dad, want some time together too. David will have the kid's and our only other option would be to bring them all with us, not what we really wanted to do. We will just have to wait and see.

I am very happy in my life. It feels good to say that.

Kids are good, school starts in 2 weeks and I can't wait. I think they are ready too.

Well I gotta go to work. I will try to write more this weekend.

I have no idea where to start with this. It has been awhile since I posted anything about what is actually going on in my life. It has had so many ups and downs, and good and bad times, let me ponder a moment to get it all straight.

Ummm, ok. So I love my job. I have been working 40-50 hours a week! Alot, yes. But, I have no complaints at this time. Have there been times when I had my fill of bull shit, yup. But for the greater good of everyone involved, I am still there, and I still love it.

I graduate from school in 7 Days!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't beleive it. Finally. After that I have to do my internship, I am working in a Pediatric office in Grand Blanc. Not exactly where I wanted to go, but, gotta do what you gotta do. I will be working there 5 days a week 8:30am - 2:30pm, then at my "real" job from 4pm-1am. Fun, Fun!!!!! If I don't die from all the work, I can survive anything.

Kids are doing good, but, I am ready for school to start! They are getting a little restless and so am I. They are going to a private school this year,a charter school. Madison Academy, it is on Maple road between Fenton and Saginaw, Lisa's kids are going there too. SO I am hoping this will help with some of the issues I faced with Trent last year. The boy is smart as hell, but he is young, 7 going into 3rd grade. SO he has more issues with maturity than anything else. He loves to read and is always been in advanced reading, he also is very talkative (I have no idea where he gets that from!) So I hope being in smaller class size and more of a structured environment will help. Now, Connor is going to be in Kindergarten, which is very exciting his teachers last year, had nothing but wonderful comments about him. He speaks much better than many children of his same age. He is a comedian though. He always wants the attention, good or bad. Dawson, is getting huge! He is 18 months now. Talking and running around like a mad man. He is almost as big as Christian, who is 2 1/2!

For my other kids, Mira is getting ready to start kindergarten this year too. She is excited, I am sure. She has been fun this summer and I am addicted to shopping for that girl. Girl- being the main word. I am so surrounded by men, I don't know what to do sometimes. SO she is my escape to the girl part of me. Everytime I go shopping I end up buying stuff for all the kids! All 6! I can't help it. I might need treatment. haha. Christian, is my boyfriend. SO he informed me last week. He told me that I was his girlfriend, I told him he would have to discuss that with Daddy, but we would see. He is so cute. He likes to be with me when were all together, and he is such a sweetheart. I think I just have a thing with little boy's. I mean I have only boy's so sometimes I think that is what I attract. David and I took all the kids swimming last weekend. It was fun and they were all actually really good. It is always nice to have good quality time all together.

C.J. is a whole other story. He is going to be 15 next week, and it shows. You know, thinks he knows it all and can do whatever he wants, when he wants? Yup, that is him. He informed us last week after returning from a trip to his grandmother's house, that he had talked to his mom, and he was moving back with her. He didn't want to be here anymore. David and I have discussed it, and if that is what he wants so be it. But, just like David's mom and I talked about, this is no game. If that is what he wants, he can't turn around in another month, 6 months, or year and decide, "Ok sick of her, can I come back?" The answer is no. He is old enough to make his own descion on where he wants to be and if that is what he wants we will try to help him make it happen. So now I am trying to get David to find out what the real deal is. David has alot on his plate right now, so I have not been pushing it to much. But, we do want to figure all this out before the new school year starts.

David. Things are really good for us. We have had our share of problems, but I think we have finally found our middle ground. Anyone who knows him knows, he can be a selfish ass!! (love you boobah) but it is true. And I can be a selfish bitch! So when those 2 people meet, it is not a pretty sight! But we do talk things out, and we do fight. We finally about 2 weeks ago put it all out on the table. I said how I felt, he said how he felt, and now things have been great. We are very comfortable in our relationship, sometimes I have to be more understanding, some things are new for him. I mean I am the longest relationship besides his 2 marriages. Marriage is not something we want to jump back into, by any means. I know he thinks I want to, but I don't. Do I want to marry him someday? Yes. But we both know if after 5 years of waiting to be together, we can wait 2 more! haha. I made a joke to him about how I wanted to get married before I am 30 and he is 40. SO he has 2 years. He laughs and says " 7 years" I said, "it's already been 5 years so your right, plus 2 more!" He laughs, and shakes his head at me. I do love that so much about him. He can make me laugh. Sometimes we get crazy together and I love it. And of course the sex it always good.

David and I went to the Nickelback concert on July 22, it was fucking awesome! Then we went to the casino, and got home around 3am. It was so much fun! I of course danced and sang the whole time! Loved it!

My brother is getting married the end of this month. I am looking forward to all of that fun stuff. It will be beautiful. I am in the wedding so I have trying to get all my stuff together. Got my dress fitted last week, and got my shoes. Both Trent and Connor are in the wedding too. So it will be interesting!

Ok well I don't think I can type anymore, my wrists are gonna fall off! I already typed 3 hours at school this morning.

Off to the store gotta buy stuff to make dinner. Baked Ziti, garlic bread, salad, and dessert. David and the kids will be happy with it.

I am happy with my new tattoo!!! It wasn't as bad as I had antisipated. David and I left the boys with Jer and we headed back home. We went to the mall for awhile, and then brought Dawson home and put him to bed. We then went to Damon's for dinner and then to Super Wal-Mart. It was a nice night. It is nice to spend some time together lately. I have been working alot and we have been missing each other. I will fill in all the details of the week tomorrow, but right I need some zzzz's.

So I know once again it has been forever since I posted anything. Life is hectic right now, and finding time to actually sit down and put my words on here has been out of reach. I am not gonna time travel back I will just update on what is going on in my life now.

I am working full-time now. I was only hired in as part-time, but, then I figured if I am gonna work full-time hours then, I want the perks of full-time too. So I am. Work is good, kinda is sad now that Lisa and I don't work much together anymore. I miss her. So yeah, I have been working and going to school still. I am tired, to say the least. But it is worth it in the end, I hope. So my schedule sucks since I go to school during the week I only can work nights, which leaves me to work nights all weekend long too. Kinda blows. I miss David and I's time together. We use to go to bingo every Sat. night now we haven't gone in over a month. Next week I work 6 days straight no day off, boo, oh well. That's life. Yesterday Lisa was really sick so she couldn't go in, I felt terrible, I was feeling very torn about the situation. I didn't want her to get in trouble and I didn't want her to be mad at me if I ever needed a favor. But on the other hand I promised my kids that I would spend some time with them since on Mondays I always have to bowl so our time gets cut short. I had to make the right choice and spend it with my kids. I hardly ever see them anymore. I do still feel bad about the whole situation.

David and I are wonderful.. Things have been great for the past month or so. I mean they are always great, but, no problems, no fights, no misunderstandings, we are great. We have finally got to the point in our relationship where we know how to push the buttons on the other, but we also can feel each other out for what our needs are. He is very loving, and so am I. It just seems to be getting better and better every day. I couldn't ask for anyone else. Its funny, I ask David sometimes how long we have been together, he thinks if we roll all the time we have been together, then its been a little over a year, I say consistently, 10 months. Whatever, doesn't really matter. Yeah there is no jumping into marraige here, but we are talking about moving in together. We have been looking, we will see.

David and I decided we wanted to get tattoos. So my ex-husband is a tattoo artist. He has been doing this for about 4 years now, and he is really good. Jer and I have an awesome relationship now that we are divorced. We have been divorced for 5 years, and we get along now better then ever before. So David and I and the kids, traveled down his way last night to get our tattoos. David knew exactly what he wanted and I was unsure. So we opted for him to go first so I would have more time to look. Jer started on him, and David held up well, (better than I thought he would). It took about 3 hrs to get the whole outline and some shading done, but it is sweet(look at David's blog lancelot261, if you want to see it) So Jer hands were killing him, he recently had carpultunnul surgery, on both wrists. So next time we go David will get his colored and I will get mine. It is so sweet, the one I want is awesome I will try to get a pic to post of it. It is a firey sun, witha moon and stuff in the middle, from each side of it is black wavy line designs and on the end of each is stars, the colors in it are awesome. Its going on my upper back and each of the wavy lines will go up toward my shoulder area. Its a biggy, but well worth it. I really want the kids names too, we will have to see.

Ok I gotta go. Work is calling.

What a wonderful life! My life is great. I am happier than I have ever been. I don't remember a time in my life when I have felt so complete. David and I are both officially divorced! So now we no longer live in sin! haha. Ok well we do still commit some acts of sin! Why you ask is life so grand??? Let me tell you.

First off, I am doing awesome in school, I only have 2 1/2 months left, and it is going great. I am getting outstanding grades and I am tuffing it all out. The friends I have made there are great people and I will continue the friendships long after school is finished.

Second, I started my new job. I love it! I work with a girl named Lisa, and she is cool beyond belief. We have alot of the same intrests, and we are both very chipper, happy people. She is engaged and in love, and I am very happy for her. I make good money which is always awesome, and the atmosphere is good. I have no complaints at this time, and I hope and don't forsee that I will. My manager is the same age as David and they are very much alike, so we get along fine and dandy. It is a very laid back situation, and I couldn't ask for anything more. I am working full time and that is ok, like I said the money is good.

Third, My kids are all healthy and happy. They are adapting well to me not being there all the time with work. I do miss them, but it makes the time we share together even more special. Dawson, is getting so big and saying many more words, and using alot more gestures to get what he wants. Connor, is 5, that should explain it all. He is very independent, and is excited for summer. Trent, is glad school is getting out. He is gonna be in 3rd grade next year, damn that makes me feel old! He lost another tooth at his dad's this weekend, a top one, it is kinda funny, he looks different. But all in all they are all doing great. I am gonna get their pictures taken next month, they have all grown so much since last summer it is nice to see them grow in front of my eyes. I love them so much!

Fourth, David! I am so in love with him! He has made my life complete. I have never been so happy in my entire life. He has made me a better person. I am a better mother, woman and lover, because of him. We have the best communication, and we are completly honest with each other. Trust use to be an issue with us, but we have been working on it. It is hard when things are brought to a new relationship from a past one, but we have to know that we both are different people now. I trust him and I know that he trusts me. It can only grow stronger from here. He is such a good man. He helps me however he can, he loves my family and my children. He is an awesome father to his children and they mean the world to him. He is a hard worker and he tries to make the most of every bad situation. He spoils me rotten, and I probably don't thank him enough. He is a great boyfriend and has become much more attentive to my needs. He is the BEST lover, I have ever had. I can't complained about not being satisfied, because I am. I appreciate everything he has done for me, does for me now, and everything he will in the future. He is my other half. The happiness he has brought to my life is beyond words. We both now that we would like to get married someday, but we are not rushing into that. Besides obvious reasons, whats the point? If we are gonna be together forever, what is a piece of paper gonna change? I mean being Jennifer Ragan, is that gonna just make everything different?? Not really. We are in love and we are happy. That is all we have every wanted in both of our lifes, and now we are, together, forever. Oh, and I almost forgot. I am high maintence which is humourous on all kinds of different levels, anyways, David bought me tickets to the Nickelback/Hoobastank/Three days Grace/Hinder concert July 22!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh I am a spoiled bitch!!!!!!!!! He is the best!!!!!!!! I can't wait!!

So thats life in a nutsheel. Well its 1am and I need to get to bed. Got tomorrow off so just school. Not sure what David and I are gonna do. We still have a movie to watch. "Blood Rayne" a vampire movie, I am a BIG vampire buff. We watched "Kingdom of Heaven" the other night, it was good, but longggggg. So maybe tomorrow night we will watch the other one. Who knows?